I decided that I needed to find a more healthy, geared area for me to write in. Yet an area that isn't privatized. An area very public and very out there. This is part of my ongoing therapy that takes me outside the little world of my journal. Outside of this protective bubble I have created for myself.

I have had depression on and off for quite a few years now. It has been something I can manage for the most part, but in dark moments it rears its ugly head and becomes quite overbearing in my everyday life. Recently I have chosen to go back into therapy and counseling again, but this time for the long run. With this, I feel I'll better be able to cope when times get hard, and not chose to fall into drastic measures like I have done before.

The past two weeks have been trying to the point where I attempted to take my life. I believed that I would never feel that low again. However, I did. It's hard to cope with your own self when you have such negative thoughts. I'm the type to look on the bright side of many situations, to look back and see that things weren't so bad. Yet I fell into my trap of depression and impulsively saw it fit to chose such a fate. And with this, I lost a growing and great relationship with someone I truly care about. I lost something because the other cannot face hardship. At least they cannot face a hardship that I am living with.

Yet with this, I have found hope. I chose on my own to go into therapy and be completely honest with a woman that I have never met before. With her help I was also able to come clean and be honest with my parents about how I have been feeling. By just taking a simple step, I feel freed. I feel better.

And despite being let down by some, I have learned that I have people around who love me throughout the ups and downs. I have lost support, but have gained so much more. Without them, I'm not so sure that my healing process would go as smoothly.

It's going to take time. It's going to take a lot of time. It's going to take my entire life. Depression is not something that can be healed, it is something that can be managed. It is an illness I will have for the rest of my life, yet by having a support system and the right tools, I can make out alright.

One thing I learned is that I shouldn't be striving to be happy. That's unrealistic. What I should be striving for is to be content. To be okay. To find some sort of peace within.

Despite learning the bad about who I am, I also am aware of such good that I contain. I do not just like myself, I love myself. I am an intelligent, driven, and talented young lady still full with untapped potential. I am compassionate and loving. I have a pretty little smile and warm, dark eyes. I'm silly and serious.

I also admire my willingness to give second chances and to forgive. Without this, I wouldn't be the person who I am. I am an individual who in the end believes in the goodness of people. There's a lot of bad out in the world, but I must hold out hope that people will do what's right. I wouldn't want to live any other way.