Ending yet another semester of schooling is always odd. I feel extremely relieved to have completed all my assignments and challenges thrown my way, I feel accomplished, yet there is also a sense of something lost. After putting in so much effort, what do I have to show for it? What shall I spend the remainder of my time doing?

I manage to keep my GPA at the highest level, making Dean's List for another round. Yet there is a confusion for what I really did.

There was no passion for me in these past few months. As I planted myself at a computer to write up another too long paper and attempt to prove to my professors that I was absorbing the material and thinking critically, I was completely at a loss. But eventually my mind would click and I would slew out some 10 page response on something I lacked any emotion for. All the work was there, and it was done well. However, the motions were robotic. Strings of sentences were pulled out of my head and I stuck myself in a mindless daze of simply getting things done.

I'm certainly happy that I do well in classes. It's a stability I never had before with school. But while I am being challenged, I feel that it isn't enough. If there was a professor out there who would completely shoot me down in my ideas, my world would be turned around. However, it would be for the better. No longer would I feel security and I would actually have to attempt to fight for my thoughts. Yet I have not reached this stage yet. I go along with some hackneyed, possibly insane idea of a text and there are no complaints.

What is needed is not a challenge from others, but a challenge I set for myself.